Hi everyone, social media these days has created a lot of division between parents when it comes to parenting styles and what we give and do with our kids.
As if we weren’t a generation of kids that were sent outside after breakfast, came home for lunch and then sent back out until dinner time.
I’m here to remind you that if you don’t have it in you to do the following things, it’s OKAY, and you are not a bad parent.
1. Not decorating your child’s room/nursery in the latest trendy way
Babies haven’t revealed their personalities to you yet and older kids have their own set of interests, let their rooms reflect that! You will never regret the Thomas the Train or Barbie themed room that your child absolutely loves.
One bonus to leaning into your child’s interests is often families with older kids who have already gone through and outgrown your child’s interests will be selling bundles of decor and toys that you can scoop up at a discount. I have two Thomas loving kids and constantly see Thomas toys, books and decor on Facebook Marketplace.
2. Not throwing your child elaborate birthday parties (or not throwing your children birthday parties at all)
Do you remember the birthday parties when we were kids? We’d all gather at the birthday kid’s house, play a few party games, have pizza and cake, watch them open presents and go home a few hours later hopped up on sugar with a smile on our face and a loot bag in tow? Maybe we’d all go bowling or swimming? Scrolling social media and Pinterest, birthday parties have gotten SO out of hand. Between the elaborate themes, expensive rentals and massive time and effort that goes into the birthday parties you see online (and maybe your kids have attended). It’s okay if you keep it simple.
It’s also okay to go all out if that’s what you want, but don’t feel pressured to compete or keep up with the families around you.
Another alternative is to just skip the party all together. For my eldest, we threw a first birthday party and quickly realized that we were not a party family. Instead, we do a special experience type gift as a family for each boy’s birthday, and it varies each year. The boys absolutely love it, and if when they are older they request birthday parties, we will make it work for them.
3. Not having matchy-matchy outfits with your children
They look super cute in pictures and on Tik Tok/Instagram don’t they? I you’re anything like me then your children have way more clothes/outfits than you and to coordinate the matching outfits being clean at the same time would be a struggle. (Granted as I’m typing this, mine and the kids dirty clothes are all down in the laundry room so I guess it could be done!)
There’s also the inevitable that your child outgrows their outfit and yours still fits so do you buy them the next size up? Do you retire yours? Do you just keep yours and keep wearing it when it’s potentially very obvious that it’s part of a set?
It’s okay to skip these if they would bring you stress.
4. Wanting a break from your children
Everyone deserves a break. And your children deserve a parent who has been able to take care of themselves so they can take care of their children at their best. Depending on the ages and needs levels of you’re children, that could look like a lot of things – going to the gym, going on a solo (or nap time) walk, going to therapy, going out with their partner or friends, spending a night alone in a hotel, going to a concert/sporting event/show, actually getting to do your hobbies, getting a full night’s sleep and a sleep in, and anything else.
As a parent, you may feel like you have to dedicate as much time as possible to your children. You deserve to rest and recharge as much as anyone else and you deserve to do so guilt free.
5. Having pink sheets/blankets/etc for your boy baby because hand me downs came from a parent with a girl
Hand me downs are the best. Baby stuff is expensive. Babies don’t care. Pink is just a colour.
That is all.
6. Not doing Pinterest worthy snacks and desserts
As fun as it looks online to have kids meals and snacks look like a piece of art or fit a theme, it’s most important that your kids are fed. Fun shapes and making ghosts out of bananas is entertaining, but it’s a lot of extra work for you, the parent. If you don’t have it in you to do all of their extra work, it’s fine to just give your kids the food you know they will eat on their favourite plate and call it a day.
7. Not doing Elf on the Shelf
There are plenty of reasons not to invite Elf on the Shelf into your home – your family doesn’t do Santa, you don’t want the idea of the nice/naughty list in your house (should gifts be tied to behaviour?), you don’t have it in you to take on one more task during the holiday season, or you simply don’t want to. Don’t let the hype and the pressure of that elf make its way into your home if you don’t truly want it.
8. For missing the person you were before they were born
If your kids are young then you have spent more of your life being your “before kids” self than you have been a parent. Becoming a parent is a swift and drastic life change. The night before my eldest was born I was out for dinner with friends without much responsibility or schedule, 24 hours later I was in the hospital with a newborn who screamed all night and we got absolutely no sleep. I sometimes miss the carefree, flexible person that being child free allowed me to be. I often think about how I was a more interesting person than I am now.
Would I go back and decide to not have children? Absolutely not. But I am going to miss a version of myself that I can never return to, just like one day I will miss the version of myself I am now. That’s just life.
9. For acting like their parent, who sometimes is not always fun
Sometimes as a parent you have to be the fun police. Our job is to keep our kids safe and while they are learning they sometimes don’t make the safest choices. Or we get to be the one to take them to the dentist or for their vaccinations. We are the ones to make them take a bath when they don’t want to but are tracking dirt through the house and the ones to give them yucky medicine when they are sick. There are many mundane tasks of parenting that makes us the “bad guy” but none of them make as a bad parent.
10. For setting rules and boundaries and sticking to them
Honestly, rules and boundaries are hard and new boundaries can feel like a mountain but your children need them. Even as simple as “Mom and Dad’s Room is off limits”, can cause some turmoil and that can be mentally draining on a parent. Please remember that while we want our children to enjoy their lives with us, they don’t have to like every rule and decision we make. Parents deserve autonomy, privacy and respect – just like our children do and just like anyone else.
Being a parent is hard work and lately it feels like parent shaming is at an all time high and everyone thinks they are a better parent than the other parents they see online. Just remember, if your children are loved, fed, clothes, cared for and respected – you are doing an amazing job. All of the extras you see on social media are optional, and will not have a negative outcome on their development if you choose not to take part.
Until next time,
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